Friday, November 28, 2008

Traditional Emotional Pornography

I found the two passages from the book, I Don't Want To Talk About It by Terrence Real, interesting. I decided to post in case anyone else did and to invite discussion; that is if anyone other than JMG reads this blog anymore.

In retun, what men have been promised is an appreciative, saintly wife--a whore in the bedroom, a kitten on the living room couch, a scintillating cocktail companion, and a damn fine cook and homemaker. This is not a mature relationship. It is what I have taken to speak of with couples as traditional emotional pornography.

. . . This vision precludes a few nasty realities, like the negotiation of another's needs, doing things wrong and having to learn how to do them differently, struggling with moments of profound loneliness. Society teaches neither member of the couple how to deal with the raw pain that is a part of any real relationship, because it does not even acknowledge the existence of that pain. Stuffed with such romanticism, neither men nor women learn to vigorously negotiate their differences, because true harmony is seen as obviating difference.

1 comment:

JMG said...

"Emotional pornography" is a good term because everything that popular culture tells us about "true love" and finding a "soulmate" is a bunch of worthless crap. Society has learned from the movies that one day each of us will find the person who "completes" us.

When people believe that love is nothing more than a nice feeling one gets when near that someone special, they have no idea how to react when that special someone does or says something that doesn't feel good. And when that someone doesn't conform to the (mistaken) expectations that society has spelled out, we tend to think something is wrong with that person rather than look at ourselves to see what may be wrong. We don't want to be vulnerable in front of anyone else, not even the one we profess to be in love with.