Would I? Could I? Hard Kingdom Questions

Ever since I read Lee Camp's Mere Discipleship, I have been awakened to a better understanding of the Gospel of Christ and it has raised to the surface many concerns in my heart about myself that probably lurk in all of our hearts if we are honest. Recently, JMG posted some questions and thoughts in a post at Musings From the Chariot that forced me to articulate my internal wrestlings. I post my self concern because I need input? I need to hear some of your thoughts on the matter.

Attempting to live the life Jesus preached, to do what the disciples did, would turn the majority of Christians' lives completely upside down--immediately. I am scared that I am not getting the true message and not truly doing what Jesus called me to do as a disciple. Yet I don't quit my job and go out to serve the poor or be a missionary anywhere. I don't radically change my lifestyle, drop my nets, and live a life of direct service to the Kingdom.

This realization is very hard on me. I am concerned but I don't change my life. I don't mean I am not constantly becoming a better person because I do see myself progressing to better discipleship, but I have not made any radical changes and frankly I am afraid too. I am a spiritual coward.

I think what bothers me the most is not whether I try to serve the Kingdom through my current life or give it all up and dedicate myself to some mission. What bothers me is when I ask myself, "would I do it? Am I willing to do it--give it all up?"

God may not ask me to serve in such a fashion? He may leave it up to me to decide. He may want me to serve through my job and my career. I certainly have talents in those areas. But it is the question and contemplation on the answer that hurts. Am I selfless enough to sacrifice all for my Savior and His Kingdom? I am supposed to be willing. But would I really do it?

I firmly believe, know in my heart, that I could sacrifice my life to not denounce God and Christ as Lord. But would I completely give up my way of life to live a hard one? Do I have that much courage? Even further, would I do it voluntarily, without the Lord directing me to do so? Do I have that much conviction?

I am not confident of my answer to these last questions. Based on imperical data of my life, the answer is no. If the answer is no, am I really a disciple?

Does anyone else feel this way? What are your thoughts on the matter? I am truly troubled by this topic.

Friends

My job has become very time demanding and I have many commitments outside that are taking the place of blog time. I miss being able to write, but I have to make choices. I apologize for the infrequency, or some may wish to thank me for it.

So today a quick post. Red and Rover is my favorite comic strip. I love the sentiment, the feelings it stirs, the positive and uplifting messages. This was a recent strip that I think speaks volumes. I hope you like it.


Anyone think this might have some application in our church communities?