Perceptions: Don't Judge A Temple By Its Vessel

I love the way Charles Dickens lauds the virture of the misfortunate while illuminating the self-blindness of the fortunate.

It was natural enough that her short and unfinished dialogue with Kit should leave a strong impression on her mind, and influence her dreams that night and her recollections for a long, long time. Surrounded by unfeeling creditors, and mercenary attendants upon the sick, and meeting in the height of her anxiety and sorrow with little regard or sympathy even from the women about her, it is not surprising that the affectionate heart of the child should have been touched to the quick by one kind and generous spirit, however uncouth the temple in which it dwelt. Thank Heaven that the temples of such spirits are not made with hands, and that they may be more worthily hung with poor patchwork than with purple and fine linen! -- The Old Curiosity Shop, chapt. 11.

It must be specially observed in justice to poor Kit that he was by no means of a sentimental turn, and perhaps had never heard that adjective in all his life. He was only a soft-hearted grateful fellow, and had nothing genteel or polite about him; consequently instead of going home again in his grief to kick the children and abuse his mother (for when your finely strung people are out of sorts they must have everybody else unhappy likewise), he turned his thoughts to the vulgar expedient of making them more comfortable if he could. -- The Old Curiosity Shop, chapt. 14.

My Concern: A Commentary

I wrote the below commentary expecting to make a brief presentation of ~ 3 min. I did not have to make the presentation, but did deliver a one minute abridged version. Since I wrote it, I thought I would post it.

I am concerned that our culture has become much too selfish, too me oriented. Observe the attitudes in the way we drive: "my time is more impotant than yours; courtesy and rules do not apply to me--I am in a hurry; get out of my way." Look at what we drive, vehicles that far exceed the necessity of mere transportation in both price and luxury.

Look at what we buy, large screen, hi-def TV's and elaborate sound systems to watch big budget productions and over-paid athletes in order to escape footage of war, Darfur, and our inner cities.

Look at where we live, houses whose size and design are exuberant examples of form over function; whose furnishings are so opulent they cost more than our parents' houses did.

We have become an "I deserve", materialistic society to such an extent that we flirt with amorality.

We are more intent on fighting injustice done unto us than we are in fighting the injustices we do unto others.

Yet, are we growing more content? Are we happier, more peaceful at heart or restful in soul? Do we sleep better at night? Based on the sales of sleep aids . . . well, you decide. Have we found our sense of purpose or does it seem ever more elusive driving us deeper into our consumerism?

I think it is time we seriously contemplate the advice of the great American psychologist, Karl Meninger, who gave this answer when asked what one piece of advice he would give to someone about to go insane. “Lock up your house, go across the railroad tracks, and find someone in need and do something for him.”

Money-giving is a very good criterion of a person's mental health. Generous people are rarely mentally ill people. -- Karl Menninger

A Conclusion

From a recent service involvement, some discussions with a brother, and mostly through internal mental arguements, I have reached a conclusion of thought.

I must show the love of Christ to everyone, every minute, everyday. Then I must trust in God to handle the rest.

I am not sure which is going to be harder, perpetually living Christ or completely trusting God. Such hard tasks to execute from such a simple conclusion. Well, Christ did promise that discipleship would be hard and that it might even kill me. Oh well...

Sweeeet baby!

I love college basketball. I love March Madness. I love the sweet sixteen!

Know what I love the most about it? Being in it!

GO DORES !!!

Head Down

This post needs a short explanation. First, I don't have anything pressing on my mind or heart, so I revert to my easy way out--publishing song lyrics or some past writing. Today I choose one of the handful of poems I have written.

This poem is not indictative of my current mood (I feel great right now). I wrote this poem in February 2002. Some events in my life triggered some deep seated emotions, leftover scar tissue, from way back in my past. This is one of my favorite self-authored poems, not because it is dark, but because it was cathartic. I finally expressed some pain that had been lingering a long time. Now, pain doesn't just go away because you wrote a poem, or song, or told a therapist. But such actions are a small step toward healing.

Anyway, I subject my readers to this poem for a lack of anything better to write, and the fact that continued silence would just be too prudent.

Head Down
Head down, head down, maybe the beating will pass.
Head down, head down, maybe the ridicule will miss.
Born not this way – head down.
Created this way I believe not – head down.

Head up, head up, is my natural place.
Head up, head up, with smiling face.
Head up, head up, through life at an excited pace.
Innocent and naïve, degradation I did not believe.
Was not looking, was not prepared, when execration came sweeping.

Heads up, heads up, your above your place.
Heads up, heads up, your out of place.

Head down, head down, put you in your place.
Head down, head down, inferior is your space.
Ashamed, I am, that I was not stronger; but fight, I can no longer.
The neck of my soul has been broken, and its shoulders falter.

Head down, head down, head down this lonely path.
Head down, head down, head down into the depths.
Head down, head down, head down this dangerous path.
Head down, head down, maybe this too shall pass.

What Would Jesus Do? If You Want to Follow Jesus, You Will Be Tested.

Walking in the ways of Christ will bring demanding and uncertain opportunities to test our discipleship. Christ assured of this in scripture. Follow the link below to see one group of Christians faced with just such a test.

Sex Offender Causes Stir at Nev. Church

I think they are probably handling their situation pretty well, but what are your thoughts?

On Saturday evening, our church faced a little test too with a new participant (nothing on the scale of the Nevada church). It will be interested to see how those involved will handle the situation. Maybe Phil will blog about that incident (hope he takes the bait).

Do Christians really want to love those outside their sanctuaries? It isn't going to be easy, but it is critical we do so.

Mockingbird Singing for the Blind

I had a rewarding experience resulting from a previous post entitled, Mockingbird Singing, which was poem I had written. During a moment of curiosity I was looking through the tracking paths for my blog and I noticed a hit on this old post. Going back I found the following comment had been left.

Greetings Tony, ... . I work with an agency that produces materials for people who are blind or visually impaired. One of our projects is a small monthly magazine provided in braille and/or 24-font large print. This magazine always has a poetry section, and in recent issues we have been trying to relate the poems to the lead article of the magazine. Since the lead article in April’s issue is about the mockingbird, I was searching the Internet for a poem to go with the article and ran across your blog. I believe your poem would be perfect for our April magazine and hope to use it there. Copyright regulations do give us the legal right to use copyrighted material for special formats used by people who are blind or visually impaired, but I wanted to give you the courtesy to have the ability say “no” if you do not want this poem in the magazine. You can find our web site at Horizons For the Blind. The site is a bit outdated, and we are working on an update soon, but you can learn more about us there.

After verifying that the non-profit was legitimate and exchanging an email with the contact there, I was thrilled and humbled that they thought the poem was worthy of using. I had no reservations about its usage in their publication. Below is the lead-in they sent me.

This month’s poem is not from one of the classic poets, but rather was found on the Internet. Tony Arnold is a business and operations professional who lives in Nashville, Tennessee. The poem below was found on his blog * site. Arnold claims that “All my poetry is based on real things that happen to me or feelings I have …” He claims not to be a poet, nor to read much poetry, but his poem below belies this claim.
* A “Blog” is an Internet diary of sorts where people share their thoughts with others and allow a place for others to comment.

Notice they included a footnote explaining what a blog is. Many of their readers are probably not familiar with blogs because their disability inhibits computer use. This was a reminder of all the small things I take for granted everyday.

This correspondence sure was a pleasant, uplifting surprise. It is also an example of those small occurrances that are considered luck or coincidence, but could easily be a small measure of God's providence. That is, me even seeing the comment left on this 6 week old post. I could easily never have been aware of the request or the poems use.

On the negative side, the whole situation does feed my narcissistic tendencies. :-)

My Apology

I have been blogging for almost 2 years now (March 11, 2005). In that time, I have been spared truly mean-spirited comments or attacks on my thoughts, views, etc.

That changed the other day. During the dialogue on my post A Major Faith Struggle, I made the following comment to one of the participants in the discussion:

One thing you might consider and of which you may be unaware. When you draw discussions in the direction you have, and which you have done before, it quickly moves away from the intent of the original post and you become the focus. I don't think you want to appear narcissistic, but you may want to consider the effect.

The person to whom I addressed this comment responded and did not seem to take offense.

However, someone else left this comment anonymously:

I find it comically unbelievable that Tony would suggest that someone else is narcissistic. Wow. This will now be my new definition of irony.

My first reaction was shame, which then bred a little anger, then settled down pretty quickly into an embarassed hurt. The pain was confounded by the fact that I have no context in which to judge the statement; no identity with which to associate it. What relationship do I have with this person? It is very hard to know how to weigh the comment and its merit.

What hurt the most, besides the validity of writer's accusation, was the underlying venom present in the comment. It seemed so vindictive and I could not get a grasp on why. This confusion was compounded by a follow-up response after I challenged the person to not leave such biting criticism anonymously. I left my email address so that the person could respond discretely and I promised to keep their ID confidential. Here was the response to that challenge:

I WILL do it annonymously. If you don't want annonymous comments, you can remove the ablitity to do so. Otherwise, I will continue lobbing grenades at will.

After stewing on all this, I realized something. Something that made me feel awful. I realized that this comment had to be made by someone I had hurt in some way. A hurt of which I am likely unaware. It obviously wasn't a small slight either. I must have hurt them significantly.

I pray that the following appears sincere and neither narcissistic nor sarcastic, because I intend sincerety. I would prefer to do this in person so as to avoid any misconception, but the anonymity of the comment leaves me no choice but to do it publicly.

So my final response is to offer my sincerest apology for causing such harm. If I ever find out who you are, I will ask for your forgiveness directly. Until then, I hope you will accept my apology in this forum and forgive me.

Tony

Major Faith Struggle: Part 2

Thanks to those who commented on my previous post. I found aid in much of the discussion. I thought I would share with you a series of email exchanges that I had with a spiritual mentor when I shared my post with him. I hope you find it as beneficial as I did.

Tony: shared my Faith Struggle post.

Mentor: There is a powerful scene in Elie Wiesel's book Night, which describes his experiences in the Holocaust, in which a beautiful, dear-hearted young boy is hanged, between two older men. As Wiesel stands in the ranks with the other prisoners, all of whom who had been assembled to watch the executions, Wiesel hears a man behind him muttering, "where is God now?" Wiesel says to himself: "He is there, on those gallows." And then, as I recall it, Wiesel says that his faith in the justice of God died with that child. But it is Wiesel's remark that I think is the clue to the meaning of Jesus' execution: God was indeed there on those gallows. God is not removed from the suffering of children, the suffering of the innocent. God is crucified afresh in their suffering. It is one of the most fundamental meanings of Jesus' cross. Peace.

Tony: I am very familiar with the book and that passage. I remember when I first read that part of the book. I was sitting on the balcony of a lodge room around 6:00a at Fall Creek Falls, overlooking the lake as the sun rose, a very stark contrast to the scene in the book, complete peace surrounding me. I read that passage, dropped the book, and cried for several minutes. I just cried.

I agree with you that Christ is crucified anew. That is another hard issue for me. Was not once enough? It hurts me just as much knowing that Christ dies continually due to man's evilness.

I know what I am really struggling with is endurance in dealing with the suffering and evil of this world, and there are some triggers that are far worst for me than other things. I just cannot get the visions of what these children go through out of my heart and my head. And I don't want to ever rid myself of the realization, but the pain is so bad. I cannot imagine how those who are close to a child who has suffered like this feel? I don't think I could bear it if it were my child or a child I was close too. God has had mercy on me.

Yesterday I spent some time contemplating all my emotions and thoughts and listening to God. I have begun to suspect that God is leading me somewhere on this, calling me to something. I don't what it is. Please pray for me on these issues.

Mentor: Blessings on you, Tony.

I think too that such moments can be guiding moments to which we should pay attention.

In my own experience, I have also found that there are certain situations/scenarios/news that I must simply ignore: because contemplating the graphic nature of the horror leads to depression, which means I am even less available to be of service to people around me. So sometimes I simply choose not to read certain stories, etc., and sometimes, even to fast from "the news." "The news" is never new: it is just a continuing account of all the Fallen World. I choose in those times to focus instead on concrete ways I can be of service to the people and community around me. It doesn't seem that our constitution was created to handle the glut of horrors that can be downloaded onto our psyches through mass media; so I've decided I don't have to try to handle that...Peace.

Tony: Excellent advice. I usually do fast from such items, but sometimes I give in and read the details. Maybe those periodic delvings are at God's direction. Thanks so much for the thoughts, they do help.

Peace and Christ's love to you.

"Do not be deceived. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer understanding but still desiring to do our enemy's will, looks around upon a universe from which every trace of God seems to have vanished, asks why he has been forsaken, yet still obeys God." – Sr. Devil Screwtape in letter to subordinate devil Wormword. The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis.

A Major Faith Struggle

I have one area in my faith, in my relationship with God, with which I struggle deeply and painfully. It is the suffering of the unknowing, non-understanding innocent. Specifically, horrendous cruelty and evil inflicted on children. The two links below provide recent, stark examples to what I refer.

http://www.comcast.net/news/index.jsp?cat=GENERAL&fn=/2007/02/07/580780.html&cvqh=itn_pornring

http://www.comcast.net/news/national/index.jsp?cat=DOMESTIC&fn=/2007/02/08/581800.html&cvqh=itn_freezingdeath

You can find similiar reports daily with ease. Millions of similiar incidents and other heinous acts occur across our globe daily.

These reports make me angry. I want justice that includes severe vengeance upon the perpetrators. I want more than earthly justice, I desire immediate spiritual vengeance. I know that this is not right for my heart.

I will be frank that these test my faith more than anything else. I can understand or least rationalize the existing of suffering on this earth. I have found faithful ways to handle suffering and the understanding of suffering. But this type of suffering, the extreme abject evil of these acts darken my heart and my faith.

I do not pretend to understand God's plan or His allowing such malevolence to continue and even to increase. I get angry with God. I pray for understanding. I pray harder that God will protect the children of this world. I cannot get my head and my heart around these issues in a productive way. I physically weep with rage and pain when I read, for example, of a man that killed a 5 year boy by slamming him into a shower wall repeatedly until he died of massive head and internal injuries. The reason for the man's anger? The boy screamed and cried while he was repeatedly raped by the man. A 5 year old little boy! How does anything remotely resembling a human do such a thing?

Dear God, I cannot bear the thoughts I have of the terror this innocent child endured! The pure and innocent have no understanding of evil. They cannot understand the wrong. It seems to me to be a vicious, calculated attack on goodness by some force of evil-- an act meant to slowly destroy us all.

After I delve into my anger for a while, I begin to contemplate how God and Christ must feel watching the most pure forms of evil recur unceasingly minute after minute . How does God endure us, endure this world, watching the destruction and torture of those pure, innocent souls that He not only loves deeper than we can imagine, but which He created? They are a continual recreation of the rejection of Christ and His crucifixion streamed forth in broadband. How does God withhold his wrath and not destroy us all? In these moments, I want Him to do so. I want Him to end it all; to save the innocent that have not yet been harmed. It is during these moments I truly can understand the psalmist who cries out for God's wrath and vengeance upon the unrighteous.

At this point in my Christian immaturity, my method of faith survival is to blindly trust God's plan. I reach a point of shutting off the pain and any thought process, and I just believe that God is with us. I have no illusions that this is a good or proper response. But I cannot give up my faith in God, so I have to shut down the overload to my faith senses. I do not permanently shut them down. I do not ignore. I will revisit the issues and the evilness again when I see another example. But I feel that each unintentional plunge into the pit kills a little part of me.

I beg for insight and help from any that may provide wisdom. And please pray that God ends this evilness. I don't mean to be depressing, but I need a release. I need to be open with this struggle with the naive hope that such openness is a way to fight evil in the Light.