Life Guidelines: Experience of a Father, for my Daughter

I am compiling guidelines I wish to convey to my daughter at some appropriate time in her life (she is five now). I try to live these and teach them when I can, but I want her to have a list she can reflect on when I am not around. My initial thought was to give them to her when she goes to college, but I think it will have to be much sooner than that in today's world. So here is what I have so far.

Life Guidelines: Experience of a Father, for my Daughter
by Anthony W. Arnold

Love God and follow Christ. The Bible will show you how.

LOVE!

Be happy. Ultimate happiness is found through the will of God.

Be kind. You will never regret an act of kindness.

Pray and talk to God about everything: your love, joy, sadness, pain, anger, frustration, temptation, confusion—everything. This personal relationship with the Father will save your life (read Psalms).

Virtue cultivates happiness, degradation of self breeds misery.

Crave righteousness and seek truth.

Thirst for wisdom and hunger for knowledge. Self-esteem and confidence are built in the pursuit of both.

Be passionate: in labor, in art, in music, in study, in relationships, and in love.

Cherish your salvation and your integrity. Compromise neither. The only one who can rob you of these is yourself.

Explore the world that God created before man destroys it.

You are special. Surround yourself with special people.

Recognize your weaknesses and surround yourself with those who can offset them (Proverbs 27:17).

Peer pressure is a farce. It is purely a method for others to justify their own doubtful behavior.

Do not confuse peer pressure with support or loving admonition. Know the difference, disregard the former and accept the latter.

Believe in the Holy Spirit and trust its exertions.

Every human will fail you at one time or another, but God will not. When humans do fail you, remember that God forgave them and let His Son die for them.

Holding onto grudges and anger requires your energy, not the energy of those toward whom it is directed.

Satan is real.

Satan cares not whether you believe in him or follow him. He cares only that you move one more step away from God. He has nothing to offer. He cannot give—only take.

God gave: His Son. God gives: Eternal life.

Your body is your gift to give. Give it in the ways of the Lord.

Please the Lord. If others are not happy with this, then it is their problem not yours.

You are created in the image of God. Therefore, you are beautiful!

Don’t let guilt consume you. There is no act you can do that Jesus has not already handled with His death. Nothing is too big for Him.

Do not attempt to be loved by everyone or by every action. Let your actions command respect. You can respect someone you do not love, but it is virtually impossible to love someone you do not respect.

Be kind and gentle, but firm. Be decisive and resolute in your morals.

Tolerate injustice only when it is done to you. Fight it when you see it being inflicted on others.

The only life you should value over another is the sacrifice of your own.

Forgiveness of a sin does not mean absolution from its consequences.

It is possible, despite modern opinion to the contrary, to take a moral stance with love and without being judgmental.

Force is power, but love is powerful.

Don’t agonize over not being able to change others. Sometimes it is enough just to be able to change yourself (Gipsie Ranney).

Physics, chemistry, and math are important. They describe how the universe works. God created the universe, therefore the understanding of these fields reveals a part of God.

Develop solid verbal and written communication skills. Without them, you can neither convey your point of view nor understand the point of veiw of others.

The definition of a simple life is peace of soul; contentment that is removed from circumstance. The path to it is through Christ.

Your strength is greater than you can possibly imagine. Unfortunately, you will only find this out when you think you have none left.

When you do not know what else to do, pray!

Copyright 2005 Anthony W. Arnold

Hell...uhm.

I have been reading several posts about hell, or the interpretations and misinterpretations thereof, or even the existence of such a place, especially within the classic Christian views of hell.

I have no intention of refuting, agreeing, or debating anyone else's concept or context of hell. I offer three, and I feel very important, theological tenets we should carefully consider in our walk as disciples of Christ.

1. That at some point God will endow man with the full knowledge of His purpose and full understanding of our existences.

2. Regardless of what form a separation from God will take, that at some point God will separate mankind into two camps: those that will dwell with Him eternally (will not be separated from Him); and those that will be separated from Him eternally . Further, based on tenet #1, that separation will create an agony beyond bearing.

3. We should have no fear of this separation. That's right. We should have no fear of this separation! I love what Thomas Merton had to say about this issue.

My opinion is that it is a very extraordinary thing for anyone to be upset by such a topic. Why should anyone be shattered by the thought of hell? It is not compulsory for anyone to go there. Those who do, do so by their own choice, and against the will of God, and they can only get into hell by defying and resisting all the work of Providence and grace. It is their own will that takes them there, not God’s. In damning them He is only ratifying their own decision—a decision which He has left entirely to their own choice. Nor will He ever hold our weakness alone responsible for our damnation. Our weakness should not terrify us: it is the source of our strength. Power is made perfect in infirmity, and our very helplessness is all the more potent a claim on that Divine Mercy Who calls to Himself the poor, the little ones, the heavily burdened. [1]

We do not need to be so concerned about the form of our separation of God. Our focus should be solely on Christ--The Way to a loving and permanent relationship with our Father. We freely and wholly have been provided an opportunity to know God and be with Him. The agent for this relationship is the Holy Spirit.

We should focus on the union not the separation. And as JMG has posted, the time is now. Run to the Father, now. Do not waste time out of the relationship. Invest time in the relationship.

[1] Merton, Thomas. The Seven Story Mountain. Harvest Book Fiftieth Anniversary Ed., Harcourt Brace & Company 1999. ISBN 0-15-601086-0.

A View on Contentment

I am reading the book, Perfectly Reasonable Deviations From The Beaten Track: The Letters of Richard P. Feynman. (edited by his daughter Michelle Feynman. Copyright 2005 by Michelle Feynman and Carl Feynman. Basic Books member of Perseus Books Group. ISBN: 0-7382-0636-9).

Richard Feynman was Nobel prize winner for his formulation of QED (Quantum Electrodynamics) theory, he worked on the first atomic bomb at Los Alamos, was a public figure of much character, and he uncovered the reason the space shuttle Challenger exploded as part of the President's commission demonstrating in a congressional hearing the failure by dropping an o-ring into a class of ice water. A fascinating man who died in 1988.

Below is a letter to his mother, Lucille Feyman, August 20, 1954. Please note the year as you read. I found this letter very touching and appropriate to many blog discussions I have been involved in lately. I hope you find it as enlightening as I do. I have edited the letter to focus on the sentiment revealed to me. [] reflect my insertions. Bold type is mine.

Dear Mom;

You have nothing. A small room in a hotel. Stuffy and no home with friends and family in it. A job that gives no enlightenment or has no further aim than to be done each day, building nothing for yourself. No easy transportation but to be jostled by the crowds. Nor fancy meals, nor luxurious trips, nor fame nor wealth. You have nothing.

So say your friends, but they are wrong. Wealth is not happiness nor is swimming pools and villas. Nor is great work alone a reward, or fame. Foreign places visited themselves give nothing. It is only you who bring to the places your heart, or in your great work feeling, or in your large house place. If you do this there is happiness. But your heart can be as easily brought to Samarkand [lower income] as to the Hudson river [upper income]. Peace is as difficult to achieve in a large house as in a small one. Feeling can be brought to any work. Your friends of wealth have nothing because of it that they would lose, if with more modest means.

In the sea of material desire that is our country you have found an inlet and a harbor. You are far from perfectly happy, but are as contentful as you can be, with your make-up in the world that is. That is a great achievement, or a great woman.

Why do I write this? Because you have told me these things many times, and I have nodded,vaguely understanding. But you mention them again and again, so perhaps you think I do not understand. For so few understand, each friend questions you, each relative hounds you with the query, how can you live in such a tiny place, how can you work in that unbearable shop with those horrible sales girls? You know how. They could never do it, nor can they live as contentedly in any other way, for they do not possess your inner strength and greatness. A greatness which has come to realize itself thru the knowledge that, beyond poverty, beyond the point that the material needs are reasonably satisfied, only from within is peace.

I offer you all my resources of wealth. What do you want, what will you take? I have offered many times. Not $10 worth can you think you need that you will let me give you. You must always know that I will give you any material thing of wealth you could desire. Now or in my ability in the future. You have no insecurity. And tho you wrack your brains to think of something--not the smallest item suggests itself to you. No man is rich who is unsatisfied, but who wants nothing possess[es] his heart's desire. No need to concern yourself with friends' attempts to help. You are not forced to live as you do. Your son's offer proves that. It is your choice, your life, your simplicity, your peace and your contentment. It needs no further justification.

When I offer it, what do you ask? You ask that I write to you. What can I give more easily, and am yet more stingy about? Tho I know your strength now requires nothing for its self-confidence,--tho I know you could live without my writing by accepting such a fact and living with it,--I do not desire to test your strength or to make your burden more heavy. What son has a mother who in such circumstances asks less of him!

My duty is clear, right action obvious. May I have the strength of resolve that this be the beginning of a more regular correspondence. I hope that the lesson of your strength in life will inspire me more often to try to add a bit you really want. I hope I can write more often to a most deserving and inspiring woman. I love you.

Your Son.

Judging Angels

In a daily Bible study, I read I Cor. 6:2-3: Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life!

The context is Paul directing the members of the church to bring disputes before the elders and leaders of the church rather than the ungodly for judgment. Paul clearly indicates that man will have some role in judgment in the future. Here he says the world and angels. Yet, in I Cor. 5:12, Paul hints that man's role will be judgement of the church (and maybe others that know Christ, such as angels).

What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside!

Mt. 19:28 adds weight to man's role in judgment but it is limited to a specific group: Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on the twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.

The notes in my study Bible state that the word judgment in the context of Mt. 19:28 meant to lead or rule, referencing back to the Judges of Israel.

I have never heard these scriptures discussed or taught prior to this daily study. In fact, all the teaching and scripture I am familiar with concerns God's judgment and for me not to judge. Needless to say I was quite surprised and somewhat confounded as well as very intrigued by the above scriptures.

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measures you use, it will be measured to you. [Mt. 7:1] Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condem, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. [Luke 6:37-39]

These scripture are cross-referenced to Mt. 23:13-39 which is Jesus' harsh indictment of the Pharisees hypocrisy. The "do not judge" scriptures seem to refer to hypocritical judging and judging for the sake of judging, that is, negative Christianity. They may not refer to righteous judgment, and thus do not conflict with the first set of scriptures I listed.

But there is still a paradox and some confusion. There are scriptures that talk directly about who has the authority to judge and what that judgment will be.

Jesus' words: Moreover, the Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son, that all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father. For the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son to have life in himself. And he has given him authority to judge because he is the Son of Man. [John 5:22-23; 26-27] Jesus said, "For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind. [John 9:39] As for the person who hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge him. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save it. There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not accept my words; that very word which I spoke will condemn him at the last day. [John 12: 47-48]

The Apostles' words: He commanded us to preach to the people and to testify that he is the one whom God appointed as judge of the living and the dead. [Acts 10:42] In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all men by raising him from the dead. [Acts 17:30-31] This will take place on the day when God will judge men's secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares. [Ro. 2:16]

Hint of the method of Christ's judgement: It is the Lord who judges me [Paul]. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. [I Cor. 4:5]

Even further confusing is John 8:15-16, which seems to say that even Christ won't judge us, but leaves the door open for judgement of our sin. And, it clearly speaks to Jesus' authority to judge.
You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one. But if I do judge, my decisions are right, because I am not alone, I stand with the Father, who sent me.

I found the above search rewarding but still somewhat paradoxical. I am not sure what to make of it. I am still intrigued by the scripture on judging angels and man's role of judgment in the Kingdom. Here are the initial thoughts I came away with:

1) God will judge man through Christ. 2) We will be held accountable for our actions, and more so for our heart. 3) Man has a leadership and judgment role within the church. But, does this extend to the end-judgment or is limited to leadership within the church? I don't know. 4) Judging should never be a motivation [added 10/17/2005].

What are your thoughts? What does your research reveal? For those familiar with Lee Camp's Mere Discipleship, do you think that the references to man's role in judgment, especially in the context of leading or ruling, refers to roles in the coming Aeon (the New Aeon)?

Sad Today

I am sad today. I read the obituary this morning of a friend from high school. He was 43, the same age as me. I am not sad because we are the same age or because he is was young.

I had a fairly miserable time in school from 5th grade until half way through my junior year of high school. I was happy and fit in well in 1st through 4th grades. Then, I was moved from public school to a private school, hereafter known as Pain High School (PHS), after 4th grade. I don't really know why life changed so drastically with this transition. I just didn't seem to fit in. Kids were cruel and I had no friends initially. Maybe it was strictly due to being an outsider and the new kid at the same time. Most of these kids had been together since kindergarten. Things just seemed to get worse as time went on. A majority of the teachers and administration were just as bad or worse in the way they treated me and others in a similar situation.

Surprisingly (well, maybe not), this was a Church of Christ private school. I was Church of Christ too, but it didn't seem to matter. I can honestly say this environment was one of the most un-Christian places I have endured. Finally, during my junior year I had had enough. I told my parents I was not going back and that I wanted to transfer to Hillsboro High School. My Dad, who taught in Metro schools, did not mind. My mom was against it. She felt I needed to be in private school. I told them I could transfer or I could drop out, their choice. At this point, I had already been accepted into Vanderbilt having applied early. So being willing to drop out I think had an impact.

I transferred, and that year and a half at Hillsboro was one of the best times of my life. I made friends quickly, enjoyed my AP classes (which weren't available at PHS), and felt so much relief from stress. I still have many of the friendships I made at Hillsboro. Those at Hillsboro who had transferred very early on from PHS to public school asked, "what took you so long to leave?"

Anyway, I have never forgotten those few that were nice to me or that were my friends while attending PHS. Don Blair was one of those. I have no recollection of Don ever participating in ridiculing or humiliating me. He got along with everyone. Don seemed comfortable and confident within himself; probably a big reason for his likableness and friendliness. He did not need to deride others in order to build himself up.

Don led a hard life during his young adult years, most would say wild. He actually was on the competition rodeo circuit for several years as a professional bull rider. Despite any wildness, Don had a good heart. Sadly, Don also had a bad heart--he had major heart problems that began, I guess, in his late 20's and early 30's. I did not keep up with him after high school other than the odd word from old classmates. I believe he had a heart transplant in his early or mid 30's. I did know he was having severe problems these last few years.

I am sad reflecting on this time in my life. Yet, more so, I am sad because someone whose natural friendliness to me, which he probably didn't think twice about, had a profound effect on me; sips of cool water while struggling through a vast desert of the soul. "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you...thirsty and give you something to drink?' ... The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

It is the people like Don who I remember fondly and with respect. I believe in a loving and merciful God who accepts people like Don Blair. So, this is my small tribute to Don. Thank you for your kindness and God bless you.

Goodbye, Don, I will see you later and I will thank you.

Boundaries and Trees: What was God's Purpose Part 2

I encourage everyone to visit Preston's Blog. His recent post directly addresses the question in my last blog. I really like his thoughts. Even though he is many (many, many) years younger than I, Preston's maturity of thought and his depth of theology research greatly impresses me. We don't always agree, but I always learn from him. And, despite his grasp of deep theology, he truly is a servant of Christ. He is more focused on serving others than debating theology.

So read and be challenged. I always am.

Tony

What Was God's Purpose?

While listening to our preacher last night in class discussing the fall of man and God's intent for us in the Garden, I formed a question about three things that God did that contributed to the fall.

1) God created free will. 2) God created the tree of knowledge. 3) And the kicker: God then told Adam and Eve not to eat of its fruit.

Satan was not involved in these three things. What was God's purpose? Number 3 really gets me sometimes. It is like a test.

For those that will argue that the creation story is just a metaphor for the nature of man, the question stills hold. God created free will. This I don't wrestle with. What meaning does a relationship and love have if the participants don't have any choice? But if you go with the metaphor, what does the tree represent? Why did God provide a temptation mechanism? What was the purpose--to give us something to choose other than Him?

This led me to another question. If this was a test of choice, and God knew the outcome and had already planned for Christ to be the rebuilder, then was the purpose to provide for a fall so that man would completely depend on God? That is, that man would have to either realize His complete dependence on God or he would have to utterly reject God?

Your thoughts please.

Questions on the Nature of Man

Last night in class, the question, "Who brought sin (evil) into this world?" was asked. My first thought was humans. Satan tempted, but it was woman and man who were weak (naive), and in that weakness (naivete) exercised their free will to succumb to temptation. So man brought sin into the world. Satan has no power over man unless one of two entities let him: Man himself or God. The premises are Genesis 3:13, "Then the Lord God said to the woman, 'What is this you have done?'"; Job 1 and 2 in which Satan must be given permission by God to harm Job; and John 19:11 when Jesus answered Pilate, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above."

So, discussion point one. Satan has no power over man unless given that power by God or man. Agree? Disagree?

This led me to think of the question that will be my second discussion point. Was Satan just an accelerating catalyst to the fall or was he an instigating agent? That is, would man, in his free will, have eventually turned from God anyway without any temptation from Satan? I am trying to delve into the weak parts of our nature, which may not be very pleasant, but is necessary for growth and dependence on Christ.

I know this is a more theological question than a discipleship question. However, gaining a better understanding of our own nature and the enemy's nature has to aid our discipleship.

Tony

Ongoing Epilogue and Katrina pics

I know I said I had finished the series, but I just had to share this today with all those who have followed the series and my path to Ingram.

Wednesday night, I met a woman and her two children who just flew in from being rescued in New Orleans. They are staying with one our church families, Jerry and Sandra Collins. The family was trapped with others for several days in the balcony of their church in New Orleans. Her two young sons would wade through the flooded church to the kitchen to bring them water and food. A window in the balcony overlooked one of the overpasses that was crowded with stranded victims. Those in the church would sing hymns to weather their plight. The people on the overpass, feeling comfort from the songs, would call out requests. That in itself is a beautiful story. But how does it relate to my journey?

Well, Jerry called me today. The husband, Charles, wants to stay in Nashville and they are trying to rebuild their life here. Jerry called to see if I could help Charles. It seems Charles was a mate on a fleet boat in New Orleans in the barge industry. Jerry knows I work for Ingram, the largest barge company. I told our HR person about Charles. He says they are in desparate need of experienced mates and can put him to work on the Cumberland (meaning he can be based out of Nashville). Also, they need pilots and captains in training and would help him work toward his pilot's license. Pilot and captains are the highest levels on the boat.

We are trying to get a hold of Charles to get him to come in and talk with us.

You know that I believe God put me at Ingram for a purpose. I am choosing to believe that this is part of that purpose.

I will keep everyone posted on this development.

Below are some pictures of the power of Katrina and how high the storm was. Keep in mind these barges are steel masses 200 ft. long by 35 ft. by 15 ft. high. If they are loaded, it is ~1500 tons of product. The barges on the bridge and the boats are not Ingram's. Even though we had our fair share of barges beached on the bank. Most important Ingram had no human casualties, althoug we had over 300 employees directly affected by Katrina.

Tony

Faith Walk: Epilogue

This epilogue completes the series that began from journal entries made during my second Gethsemani visit.

September 7, 2005

Ingram Update
One year and 3 months have elapsed since I accepted the job at Ingram Barge Company. I have no problems saying it is the best company for which I have worked. Ingram is a high quality company and very well run by the family placing a premium on its people. An immediate impression that Ingram made on me was that everyone was busy, working hard, but everyone was calm, almost relaxed. No one was frenzied despite having plenty to do. My third day on the job was one of the most incredible days in my working career. The company tries to get shore side new hires a visit to actual river operations very quickly.

So, my third day on the job I am flying to the NOLA on the company plane. Once we arrive one of our customer service managers and our company CEO drive me north to catch one our boats. On the way, we stop for a wonderful Cajun lunch. They visit the boat and then leave to head back to NOLA. I am to ride the boat ~30 miles south down the Mississippi and then be picked up at our Triangle fleet. The pilot of the boat, second to the captain, lets me drive the tow. Under his direction of course. We are pushing approximately 35 barges; 5 barges wide by 7 barges long. Each barge is 195 feet long by 35 feet wide and carries ~1500 tons of cargo. Including the boat, we are a floating island over a quarter of a mile long, weighing over 105 million pounds, sliding down the river at 9 mph. Ocean going ships pass within shouting distance headed north to unload their cargo. We are about 100 miles up river from the mouth of the Mississippi River. This was a kid’s and an engineer’s dream.

Kaj, who was a tough interview, is a great boss and one of the smartest people I have worked with. I was thrilled because there was much I could learn working with him. My friend Chuck, the one who helped get me the job, tells me I made a good impression with Kaj, especially with the way I handled his tough questions and direct challenges. During my first few months, Kaj gave me some very frank but helpful criticism that made me a better professional. Very few managers have the courage and skill to be direct, but not insulting, while delivering tough, yet constructive criticism. Unfortunately, for me, Kaj was promoted just six months after I started. However, my new supervisor and I get along well and have become friends.

I am respected at Ingram. I work with talented people. I am able to make real contributions, and Ingram enables me to perform with a high level of quality. God put me at Ingram. I continue to pray for guidance so that I may accomplish His will here.

What happened to CIC
Doug, my confidant and spiritual brother, is working in Nashville for a healthcare company as a software developer and is doing great. The only downside to this whole transition in my life is not working with Doug everyday. I really miss our conversations and work together.

The on again/off again, and last I wrote off again, saga of my former employer finally concluded. When all appeared dead, a deal was reached for a song. CIC became part of a St. Louis based company called DCSI. My boss, Mark, and his wife, moved to St. Louis. Ritchie, the only other employee at CIC that went with the new company stayed in Nashville and works out of his home. From what I hear, he is on the road constantly.

After a couple months and several emails, Mark finally had his wife return my Ghost Rider: Travels on the Healing Road book. I think the day before they moved to St. Louis. You will remember that a very disappointing point for me was Mark leaving early my last day without saying a word to me. Things were always weird with Mark. Mark hired me, but he never really seemed to like me all that much. He was very cold to me at times. He rarely engaged me in friendly conversation as he did with others, although when we were forced to be together on trips or the rare after work camaraderie, he was pleasant. I knew he respected my work, but I felt he did not like my personality. Others in the office noticed this behavior as well, which kept me from feeling too paranoid. As Mark was fond of saying, “Just because your paranoid doesn’t mean I am not out to get you.”

A few months after he moved to St. Louis, I received an email saying he was going to be in Nashville on business and would like to have dinner. He wanted to make sure everything was okay between us. He told me how much he respected my abilities and me. I wrote him that I would love to get together. He said he would confirm once he got his schedule nailed down. Mark ended up canceling our dinner saying customer commitments would dominate his time in Nashville. Within a few days of this, he transmitted another email.

The outsourced manufacturer of the product I managed for CIC was having continual problems with product fallout on a test fixture, although the product performed fine in final burn-in. This situation was causing major headaches for production, and DCSI had just placed a large order with a tight delivery date. Mark wondered if I could provide some consulting, maybe even involving a visit to the manufacturing vendor in Minnesota. We agreed upon a consulting rate at $100 per hour. A fair rate considering my expertise, my situation, and market consulting rates. Mark and DCSI seemed happy with this arrangement.

Mark was traveling to Minnesota to work on the problem. He would be calling and emailing with information. The first call was short with Mark describing what he was witnessing. I suggested a few tests and things to look at. He called back the next day with the results. Another brief call. I said it seemed as if there were a short on the printed circuit board (PCB), but the design had been in production for two years so it might be a PCB fabrication problem or a test fixture problem. His next call was elation. A bent pin on the test fixture was causing an intermittent short during testing. They fixed it and everything was great. “How much do we owe you?” Mark asked.

This problem had been plaguing production for months. It was costing them hours of waste effort. However, it was not until under the pressure of a big order did fixing the problem become a priority. Fixing this problem saved the company and the vendor thousands of dollars in time and an equal amount in product rejects. I told Mark that we had spent less than an hour talking on the phone, so technically, they owed me $100, but that I trusted Mark and DSCI to be fair. He said they would be. I did not include any time I spent thinking about the problem while driving, etc.

After a few weeks, I had not received any money or correspondence, so I emailed Mark, “Mark, have you decided on my renumeration? What is the status?” I received this response back. “Your remuneration is being processed now.” Mark was critical about spelling and grammar although often his writing was full of errors. This was a common theme with Mark: he was very critical of the work and effort of others, but did not hold himself to the same standards. Anyway, within a week I received a check for $100! No note, just a check. I had been used. I doubt Mark ever intended to have a reconciliation dinner, he needed to open the door for my help. What is sad is that he would have gotten that help without the veiled attempt. I have not had any correspondence from Mark since. No offers for a make up date, no thank you—nothing.

Update on Nathan
On to important matters. Nathan, the boy who had his foot amputated in the accident, is doing great. He has a prosthetic foot. He runs and plays without limitation. He is amazing. The boy is a strong too! He will run up behind you and grab you, just about bowling you over. Mom and Dad are doing well although it will take them longer to heal, and there will always be issues to deal with. One downside to Nathan’s amazing recovery is that he is growing faster than doctor has expected. He will have his first follow-up surgery to take care of the growing bone sooner than anticipated. This will be hard on the family as they revisit this traumatic event. In addition, we know that emotional scars will remain for everyone and will take time and counseling to heal. Bailey cannot be ignored, as what she witnessed will have profound affects that must be managed. We continue to pray for them. They are a wonderful family. Nathan and his sister Bailey are important to our daughter Maria, as are the parents to Anita and me.

Girl diagnosed with cystic fibrosis
Recall in Chapter 3 that I had prayed for a family whose daughter was exhibiting symptoms of cystic fibrosis. I was convinced through my prayers that she would test negative. When she was diagnosed with CF, it was very hard on me and on our church. Although our prayers for her younger brother were answered with negative test results, the family was struggling emotionally. We continued to pray for healing as the family investigated treatment options. I had prayed, and forced myself to continue praying, as directed in Mark 11: 23-24. “I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” I forced myself to ignore the implications of a no answer and pushed aside the fear it brought. I thanked God every night for healing her. I became more convinced the girl would be healed. I kept this feeling between my wife and myself.

The girl’s mother, who is a nurse, was very persistent. She researched and learned everything she could about cystic fibrosis. She found one specialist who was breaking new ground. He felt that several cases had been misdiagnosed. Standard testing had a high rate of accuracy, yet it was not foolproof. She petitioned to see the doctor and undergo his new testing method that was not accepted by the majority of CF experts. Local medical personnel warned her not to develop false hope. She ignored them. They traveled to North Carolina for the days of testing. The results were negative! The experts there did not believe Julia had CF. After ceasing CF treatment and seeing no worsening of her conditions, even the local doctors acknowledged this was one of the rare false positives under normal screening. I wept with joy. The family and I know that this was not a misdiagnosis.

Another Prayerful Situation Update
In Chapter 3, I also mentioned that my men’s group had been praying hard for one of our members, Randall, concerning his alcoholic daughter and her children. This situation had been a burden on the family for years and continued to worsen rapidly. It seemed that the harder we prayed the worse things got. Randall and his wife who were in their retirement years had already adopted one of their grandchildren, and they were the active caregivers for the others as well. The daughter continued to struggle attempting suicide several times. Eventually she found some ministries that helped. She became sober and seemed able to sustain this sobriety. However, her mother, Randall’s wife, developed cancer. In July 2005, Jayne passed away at home. This was a devastating event for the family. Despite this pressure, the daughter has so far remained sober and we pray she has really turned a corner. This situation was very tough for many of us because our prayers were never answered in the way we had hoped.

Update on Legal Case
I have tried to find out the outcome of the arbitration, but I have gotten no responses to my inquiries. I have no idea how the case ended.

Spiritual Update
Our college life group was special and joyous last year. Communion together was sweet in the context of a parting that did not happen. I have continued to grow spiritually and my experiences through this trial are a catalyst for this growth. As God kneaded the bread of my life with the yeast of this experience, I truly believe He was softening my heart and my independent nature to be more open to His will. Further, God was preparing me to be open to the next level of growth. This tier was introduced in the form of Lee Camp teaching at our church; his book Mere Discipleship; and my developing a friendship with Lee. Thanks to Lee, I am I gaining a new understanding of the Gospel of Christ and the real nature of discipleship. I am shedding the brainwashing of my religious heritage, and the cloudiness of man’s will, to see clearer what it is that Christ is asking of me. I can see my whole life now as preparation for a more demanding understanding of Christianity. God is also placing new opportunities to serve in front of my family and me. I have accepted the request to be a Ministry Coordinator at our church (in place of deacons, we have ministry coordinators). Anita and I have also expanded our leadership role with the college ministry as part of this new assignment. Besides this aspect of serving Him, God used this trial to bring about some needed change in my behavior and thoughts. I am a more humble and patient person now. A transformation that was desperately needed. I am also no longer concerned about how my career is progressing, whether I am I getting what I deserve, or worrying how I am doing compared to my piers. What a freedom this is. I could not shed this consuming behavior until I was humbled. I now realize that the less material things I have the simpler my life is and the happier I am.

What I have Learned?
What have I learned? To lean on God, to trust in His mercy. I am continually learning to be dependent on God. In addition, I am learning to be comfortable, moreover joyous, in that dependence. It is funny how the old hymns from my childhood come to mind. “My hope is built on nothing less ….” [1]

Psalm 63:1-8 [2]
1 O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

Author's Note: If I have left any issues unresolved or if a reader has any questions, please ask and I will address them. Again, thanks for reading. This completes this series. I will now resume my random thought blogging.

[1] Hymn The Solid Rock. Words: Edward Mote, circa 1834. Music: William B. Bradbury, 1863.

[2] Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. The NIV and New International Version trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society.